I'm finally back HOME!

It's been a long summer since I last posted.  The semester ended and I landed my first big girl job!

This summer I got to be a camp counselor, and it was awesome!  Tiring, and I have no internet whatsoever... but it was fun.  I made fire, hiked around, rode horses and played in boats all summer.

I just wish I had been able to vlog more.  I barely made 3 minutes a day. 5 minutes on a super good day.  But I can't vlog the children so I had to work around it.  Oh well, at least I did something!

But now the summer is over, and I'm back home at SBU.  WOO!  We had our first football game/marching band performance yesterday.  We won. At both. :D  And I finally settled my room.  Well, almost, I still have a few school things that need to find a home.  However, overall my room is FANTASTIC!  The layout is awesome, I have my own cave thing with my desk and bed, and I even brought my own sewing machine.

That's right.  A sewing machine!

Over the summer I made 2 swimmable mermaid tails with my mother's machine.  And now, I'm free to create everything else I want... some more tails, maybe a quilt.

I've been wanting to make a big quilt out of all my old tshirts form high school.  I've already cut out all the sections that I want, so with luck I'll be able to figure out how to actually sew them together.

From what I can figure out, to make one, you just need to cut out the parts of the tshirts you want with enough edge around them for a hem (about a 1/4") and then piece them together.  Any extra fabric you need to even out the square or fill in space can double as your backing color.

So this semester, I'm going to try to utilize this blog as a "how-to" of sorts for all my projects.

To start with, a basic guide for swimmable mermaid tails.  You need a patter of you from about your belly button to your feet.  For the fin itself you need to have a mono fin.  So put it on and lay down, draw around your body and your fin.  Then cut out your pattern.

Once you have your pattern, you can pick out fabric.  You'll want fabric that won't weigh you down too much in the water.   The best would be swimming fabric (you can find it in most fabric stores if you look).  Then plan out how you're going to get your fin in and out.  I opted for a zipper on the bottom of the fin, so it can get in and out without stretching out the ankle area.  You can also use ribbon ties, or push it in from the opening at the top.

I use elastic for the top of the tail around the waist.

Basically, get your fin and think through how you want to remove it.  If you'd rather keep the fin in at all times, then just sew your fin inside the tail.  Look around online for swimmable mermaid tails to see different ways people have done it.

Until the next update!  I'll see you later!

-Pim

I feel like a failure. :(

Today was the finals for the SBU Idol singing competition.  I auditioned and made it all the way into the top 8.  And then we all performed.  Everyone was great!  And then I went up to sing.

I didn't do well.

The moment I hit the last note I knew I was terrible.  I didn't have enough air or the right support and the back of my throat was feeling fuzzy and crackling.  But I ended well and people were cheering and I felt like I had done really well.  That's when the announcer asked the judges what they thought.  Now, the judges hadn't given critiques on everyone, but I thought I would get rave reviews.  Instead they mentioned how I should have chosen a song more in my range and not be so pitchy.  As soon as I heard that I knew there was no way I was doing well in the competition.

And lo and behold I didn't place.  (They only announced the top 3.)

But the worst part about it is how people were reacting afterwards.  Everyone told me I was great, some people gave me advice on how I could have been better.  Honestly, I would have preferred people give me sympathy for not winning.  I did well yes, but it was the finals, everyone "did well".  And since I just lost, I wish I could have gotten advice on being better later.

I've been fighting tears ever since.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to have been able to even compete in the finals, and the people who won were amazing!  But that doesn't mean I didn't want to win.  I feel crushed.  I wasn't good enough and I don't know why.  And I may never know.  And I feel sad that I didn't do better.

I wanted to win, or at least dazzle the crowd.  Instead right after my performance I got to hear about how bad I was.  And by the end, it turns out I was somewhere between "the worst performer there" and "just missing the cut".  From my viewpoint, since I'm not singled out as good- I must be bad.

And that hurts.